I have met a lot of people suffering from the seriousness problem, but one person who deserves special mention here is my landlady Kamla Aunty.
When I first shifted to Bangalore I was looking for a small apartment when I saw the To-Let board on an apartment while returning from office. I decided to ring the bell and check it out. It was a two storey small house where the ground floor was available for rent while the landlady occupied the upper floor. She seemed to be a sweet old lady whose sons were settled in Singapore and she did not want to leave her age old home.
I instantly liked her and her house, so decided to confirm immediately, little did I know that behind a sweet old face lies a serious ailment of seriousness.
Soon after I confirmed, she started with the rules of ideal living that I needed to follow.
"No non-veg in my house" she said as she broadened her eyes and adjusted the gajra in her oily grey hair. "Only Veg khana banane ka". I agreed since I was desperately looking for a house near my office.
"And noooo buoyphriend (no boyfriend she meant)". I nodded again, thinking that once I shift here, I will pataofy her to bring in some friends if possible.
After knowing more details about my job etc, she seemed satisfied.
Uff.. no boyfriend, no late night parties, no non-veg all okay, but parents???
She dialled straining her eyes on the small digits of her Nokia 1100 mobile. "Halloo... haa.. aapka beti mere yaha kirayadar hai.. Emergency me mereko phone karna... okay.." she spoke in hindi in a typical tamilian accent.
She amicably looked at me and smiled. She lovingly touched my chin and said- "Tum hamare beti jaisa.. khush raho." And at that moment I knew my life is not going to be easy.
Paranoid about thieves: My landlady expects me to lock the main gate even when I am inside my home. She apparently thinks that all the thieves in the locality will attack her if she sleeps in the afternoon. "Aiyappa Swamy save me. This girl is so careless, she never locks the main gate. You know Sneha, two rookies entered Mrs.Venkatesan's house and showed her the knife. They took all her jewellery and cash in the house. And did you see yesterday's paper, these gundas, they are snatching chains on the street... blah blah blah blah...."
"Okay Okay Aunty.. I understood.. I will lock the door everytime."
Toilet Phobia: Alright, she believes in cleanliness. But does that mean she has to check my house and especially toilets every week and pass comments on the same??
Water Usage: "Aiyoo how much water you are using girl? My tanki got empty twice and I had to switch on the motor." I don't think I used enough to empty her tank... Uff...
"Sorry Kamla Aunty... I will take care from tomorrow"
Late nights: She would call me on Fridays..."Haaloo... Aiyoo Sneha... where are you? It is 10.30 in the night?? You shameless girl.. come back.. or I will call your mother". Common, its only 10.30 pm not 02.00 am??
My marriage: Okay, I know I have reached a marriageable age and my mother too nags about finding a suitable boy for me, but does that mean Kamla Aunty has to remind me every alternate day about my age?
"Mummy ko bolo acha ladka dekha tumhare liye... Abhi shaadi ka age ho gaya hai"
"Aiyoo Sneha, tumhara shaadi kab hoga. Tumko koi pasand hai to muje bolo, my tumhari mother ko convince karegi"
"Beta... ye baal maine dhup me safeed nahi kiya. Ladki ka time pe shaadi hona bahut important. Age nikal gaya to ladke nahi milte."
"Sneha beti, tum vo nearby Shiva temple me daily milk donate karo.. tumhara shaadi fatafat fix hoga"
What if I don't want to get married at all??
Uff... This is Kamla Aunty, my landlord who never minded her own business and surprisingly interfered in my life too much. I realized her Condition was Serious. She was suffering from the seriousness disease.
I started with a small dose, one Five star a day and gradually increased it.
"Aiyappa Swamy, ye ladki bhi na... mai budiya ye chocolate ka kya karungi."
"Aunty ek baar kha kar to dekhiye.. just try it once."
She ate and was lost in the magical taste of the chocolate. She started bothering me lesser... surprising na..
I gradually increased her dosage to two and then three per day. She was old and couldn't eat that much, so she started distributing it to the less fortunate kids in the locality. Soon she became popular from Serious Aunty to Five Star Aunty. She waited every morning to meet those kids and her entire day would spend in satisfaction.
Soon a time came, when she was least bothered about me and that day she became the less-serious Aunty. :)
So guys if you also know someone jiski #Condition Serious hai.. give them a Cadbury 5-star and seriousness bhagao !!!
The post is exclusively written for Indiblogger contest #ConditionSeriousHai Contest held by Cadbury 5-Star!!! Visit their Facebook page on https://www.facebook.com/cadbury5star